It’s been another non-stop, jam-packed, week of WTF news in the good ol’ USA. Senator Ted Cruz fled to Cancun, Andrew Cuomo covered up Coronavirus deaths, Britney Spears’ is still stuck in a conservatorship, and “Mandalorian” star Gina Corano got fired for her social media posts. Also, the weather broke Texas.
Any one of those events would be worthy of the “Saturday Night Live” cold open treatment, but instead, the show decided to pool them all together in the form of a talk show sketch hosted by cast member Chloe Fineman as a twirly, hyper Britney Spears. The show is named “Oops, You Did It Again” (named after Spears’ massive early aughts hit “Oops, I Did It Again!”), and Spears started it so “people could come on and apologize for things they’ve done wrong.”
Naturally, the show’s first guest was Sen. Ted Cruz who, in case you somehow missed the news, abandoned his home state of Texas for Cancun in the middle of a deadly winter storm, lied about it, copped to it, and then tried to blame his daughters for his horrendous judgement. Played by the hilarious Aidy Bryant, Cruz said “I deeply regret my actions the past few days” then joked, “mostly, flying United.”
Next up on the apology tour was Gov. Andrew Cuomo. Doing his best New York accent, cast member Pete Davidson channeled an angry Cuomo coughing up an apology — “I said, I was sorry—and immediately lashing out at his nemesis Mayor DeBlasio — “I will bury him in the tallest grave this city has ever seen! I will hire a hobo to Rick Moranis him so hard, he’ll think he’s back in universal pre-k!” “Governor!” squealed Spears, eliciting another apology from Davidson’s Cuomo. Then Bryant’s Cruz jumped in. “Hey, I get it” said Cruz. “Me and you, we’re both kind of in the same thing.” Cuomo protested. “No, we are not the same. I am a man. You are a clown.”
Cecily Strong’s Gina Corano also stopped by to offer a “sorry, not sorry” for saying “conservatives have it as bad as people living in Nazil Germany.” Surprise, she absolutely thinks she was a victim of cancel culture. That’s when Sen. Cruz attempted to identify with Carano. Breaking character a bit, Bryant’s Cruz laughed and said “Hey, I know how you feel sweetie. I’m getting a lot of my old tweets used against me too. Yeah, we’re both in the same thing girl. Strong, misunderstood women.” “No, no” replied Strong’s Carono. “Do not compare yourself to me. I am strong and you are a pile of soup.”
The moral of the cold open was clear: No matter how much you screw up, it could always be worse. You could be Ted Cruz.
Abigail Covington is a journalist and cultural critic based in Brooklyn, New York but originally from North Carolina, whose work has appeared in Slate, The Nation, Oxford American, and Pitchfork
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